room 100

You find out your partner of 1 year can’t have children. Do you stick or twist?

Published On March 15, 2015 | By nowigetyou | food for Thougt, Room 100
  1. Wow this is a serious and I mean serious situation… it’s one of those things you never really think about and if you do you just pray it never happens to you. I mean it is heart breaking to think that if this were to happen to you while you are in a very happy and committed relationship, you have been together for a long time etc and while planning to have children you discover that the person you love can’t provide and have children with you. Personally having children is massively important to me and I can’t really imagine living my life not having had children. Even if I was in a happy relationship and as hard as the thought would be I am sure I would want to end the relationship if my partner could not give me children. I cannot imagine any healthy and happy relationship I am in would remain that way after finding out something like this. I know I could not just settle for just the relationship without kids.
  2. After having only been with someone a year I am pretty sure I wouldn’t find it as hard to end the relationship having discovered the news. The situation would probably be a lot more difficult if we had been together a lot longer and were actually married.There are things like sperm donation, which I would consider if I was happily married and then discovered my husband could not have children.  It’s complicated when real feelings are involved, when you love someone and especially when you are married.
  3. If I have been with someone for a year, chances are I’m in love with that man. To find out that they are unable to have children would be devastating, not only for myself but even more so for them. So would I stick or twist if I found out the man I love couldn’t have children? I would definitely stick. Love should not be determined on the fact that one can reproduce! In the very modern world we live in, there are things in place, such as IVF, that doesn’t completely write off those who can’t have children. Adoption is also always an option. If I found my dream guy, the absolute love of my life, something that is out of his control and doesn’t define him as a man or how he treats me would not be a good enough reason for me to walk away from him. I’d love that man the same and we’d work it out. After all, isn’t a part of love compromise?
  4. STICK. If you are ever put in this situation, it is a difficult decision to make. At the end of the day, it is how you feel. If you really love this person then you would stick. I say this from personal experience where my mother now can’t have children and my dad is not my biological father however; he treats me no differently to how he would treat his own child. It is a hard situation to be in. However, it’s not the only option if your partner can’t have children there are options such as donations or adoption. Even though this child will not specifically be your own it does not mean that you should love them any less. The same rules apply for your partner; this is difficult for them too. Even more so than it is for you and to be honest you need to help them and support them through this situation. Yes, it is not an ideal situation but a relationship and even a marriage is about accepting the other person no matter what kind of baggage they come with. You should stick with this person no matter what they are going through. 

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