Winnie Oudemans

Winnie Oudemans 5 Steps to getting over an Ex

Published On February 5, 2015 | By nowigetyou | food for Thougt

Winnie Oudemans

Intro: Getting over an ex is a very challenging process. It’s easy to cling on to things, and you may not really have moved on when you think you have. Hopefully these five steps help you to manage the process and to get back to yourself in your own time.

Phase One – Evaluation: It’s important to capture all of the highs and lows of your relationship in a positive way that will allow you to move on. To help with this, create two lists. The first one should have two columns, one with good things about the relationship and second, bad things about the relationship. Try to make this list alone, rather than with friends or other people. It’s important that all outputs are from your view rather than others’. It’s okay if one side of the list is longer than the other. This isn’t about being critical, it’s about putting facts about the relationship into perspective.

Phase Two – Acceptance: Read over the list a few times. Cry if you need to, or use any emotional outlet that helps you to get rid of the emotion. It’s important to take this time to really understand what worked and what didn’t and to get rid of any excess emotion that may be holding you back. Take as much time as you need for this phase, because if not done properly, the next phases won’t really be as effective as they could be.

Phase Three – Letting Go: Burn the first list. When you burn it, really use this as an exercise to help you let go of everything, the good, the bad and everything about the past. When you’re done, create another list.  The second list should be a list about great things about you and things you could improve on when it comes to relationships. Be honest, be clear and really use this exercise as your first step to move forward. Enjoy and emphasise the great things about you and identify any improvement points.

Phase Four – Moving On: You are at a new stage in your life where it’s really just all about you! Take this time to enjoy time with friends, family, and surround yourself with great people. Spend this time also addressing development points. For example, if you identified in phase three that you tend to be a little insecure, that’s okay because when we love someone we can tend to be protective. Rather than feel bad about it, recognise the root cause, and just notice when you show these traits to allow you to control it better as not everyone would respond well to it. Most importantly, this phase isn’t about meeting lots of potential partners, it’s about YOU and your healing time.

Phase Five – Liberate Yourself: At this stage, you should have let go of the demons of your past relationship and be happy & confident in yourself. When you are ready to move on, remember to be more aware of yourself, put your needs first, and really make sure you are confident enough in yourself before you start dating. Remember to manage your development points, but don’t be too critical of yourself. Relax and take each day as it comes, and enjoy your freedom.

Follow Winnie on Twitter @WinnieOudemans, YouTube by searching Winnie Oudemans or Like her Facebook Page, Winnie Oudemans.

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